Unearthing with Paint

Diary entry for May 3 2017

This is month 2 in my Colour of Woman (COW) journey with Shiloh Sophia. This week we were invited to begin the deep dive in deeper into ourselves to explore those parts of self that we have set aside hidden, or lost. I am loving the process of setting an intention for my creative process. It brings a mindfulness to it as well it helps me to get centered. For me, I am now choosing to see my canvas as my sacred altar on which I am able to come and pray my thoughts, feelings , ideas with paint and brushes. Before my COW journey began I saw the canvas as a plain white piece of cloth and at times it intimidated me, other times I would simply dive in and play. I am loving this shift in perspective that our canvas, or our piece of paper on which we choose to play and create is a sacred altar where we can lay our prayers on.

One of the things that struck me the most today was the invitation to create a container to put the lost parts of ourselves. Well, that was an interesting approach. If we chose to, we could also include a stick figure in the box as well as a tragedy line if we have experienced a tragedy of sorts in our life. I inserted my container at the bottom of my painting. Above it, is my doorway into my awakening, a reclaiming of my Self. It is just the beginning so I am sure that all of this will disappear at some point in the very near future.

I chose a payne’s grey to paint my container. It was an intuitive choice. A dark colour for representing the lost parts of myself. I also included a stick girl in the middle of the box and did include a big bold red tragedy line to represent the sexual abuse I experienced at the age of 5.
As I was painting the container and its contents, I was aware that deep sadness was coming up within me. I simply let it be. I did not wish it away nor did I make it wrong. I in fact was doing my best to tap into compassion for my self. This is what I need at this moment. I no longer need to continue to shit on myself for having emotions which may seem heavy or negative. I am choosing to acknowledge the feeling of sadness, swim with it but I am not keeping it a companion. I went to my journal to write about my feelings. What came next was a total surprise for me. As I sat with the sadness, I could see this little one climbing out of a huge rubble. a pile of rocks. She was a determined and mighty little one. I was in awe of her as she continue to climb to the top of the pile of rubble. Ah…deep breath…she takes a deep breath, looks around, the sun in shining and she chooses to sit on top of the pile. I am aware that I buried her , my inner child, as a means to protect her from the badness of this world. She agreed to go into hiding as a bad man whom she had loved hurt her and she had said to herself, no one is going to do that again to her. sitting on top of the rubble, she is smiling as she finally feels free. Her body marked by a few bruises as a result of the climb as well as she is covered with dirt. This was not an easy climb but hey she is here and she did it. I can feel her essence, high spirited, fiery , adventurous, playful, determined and feisty. The climbing is a resurrection of sorts. She is finally free…she says I am finally fucking free! I can breathe, I can be me. I sure am something else …of that I can assure the world. I am a force to be reckoned with.

As she is sitting on top of the rubble, I can see the glow of a light from deep below. What is it? The light is shining brightly. there is finally room for it to shine through the darkness of the cave in which was built for protection. The light is a bright orange, yellow…much like a fire. It is coming up the pile of rocks, much like lava making its way through a volcano. Exploding its glorious flames everywhere. What a sight to witness. The fire is erupting….and there is no stopping her. The fire she knows represents the aliveness that is within her being. The aliveness being unearthed and reclaimed as an innate part of her being. Her sadness replaced with aliveness , a reverance for life and possibility.

Another metaphor the little one chooses to share as if there could be more…but oh there is. She said she felt like we have been bottled up in a bottle for hundreds and hundreds of years and it’s time to set the genie free from this bottle. So with unbridled enthusiasm she throws the bottle amidst the pile of rubble and it shatters into thousands of pieces. She is excited as there is no going back to this place that she called hell. She is finally free to run like a wild mare exploring the land and speed for the very first time. Ah….she wonders what else will be discovered on this journey called the taliswoman.

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RADIANCE

A newsletter created to inspire and empower you to step into your feminine power with dazzling confidence.
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Diane Merpaw
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