Let’s talk about sex!

Recently, I’ve read a book  called the Heart and Soul of  Sex by Dr Gina Ogden. Dr. Gina is a sex therapist and a researcher and has worked with thousands of women over the years. This beautiful book is in part a celebration for women. It messages are essenatially about helping us understand and embrace that our sexual experiences encompasses so much more than what happens in the bedroom. As Dr Gina states ” It can affect our whole experience – and can become a powerful path to growth and healing”.

over the course of the next few weeks, I will be sharing quotes from her book with the hope to begin, continue the conversation with regards to embracing and celebrating our beautiful sensual/sexual selves. Perhaps,  I will share things that will be new to you. I invite you then, to simply open up your heart and mind to explore the new thoughts coming your way….make up your own mind and opinions with regards to the things I share. Maybe you will agree, and maybe you will disagree…Whether or not we agree is not important, what is important is the conversation we are having …..perhaps some of the thoughts ,ideas , suggestions, will come up and rub against some pretty big limiting beliefs or stories you either told yourself or have been told by others. if this comes up, I send you a high five, because there is a perfect opportunity for you to grow if you so choose to. Here is what I know, if something knew I read or come across creates a strong emotion within me, I so know to pay attention to that because something within me was triggered. I then say yes, bring it on…so I can delve into my well of wisdom, and discover what the truth is for me.

So here we go….”our fast-lane culture sexualizes everything from beer to Barbie, but it doesn’t yet acknowledge the core power of sexual connection; its ability to transform our lives.  The national conversation about sex trivalizes women’s most meaningful experiences. Sexual slang reduces us to body parts.”

The media plays a big part in conveying these messages to the world. Whether you are looking at a magazine, watching TV or a movie, or concerts, many things have been sexualized…is it any wonder that many of us women question how we measure up…body wise, performance wise etc…I don’t know about you, but my body surely does not look like anything I have seen in magazines or on TV…for the longest time, I had felt so inadequate …no where out there in the mainstream of media, was there a woman out there that had my shape. Also, why is it that it’s ok to always show women in scantilly clad clothes in many commercials…..often when advertising the sale of alcohol…yes, men may buy because of what they see on TV…but I look at that and go really….what’s with that? who created this? and honestly, does the beer really taste better because a girl with short shorts and a scantilly top appears in the commercial. We have been hypnotized , everyone of us. This messages are not helping us to create positive healthy messages about sexuality.

You are literally bombarded every day with thousands of messages about how to show up in the world, many of them have overly sexualized women…..yet , many of us are unwilling to have a healty conversation about sex in a positive light. I have been trying lately to simply initiate conversations in different ways, the reactions I have received have been so diverse and most….don’t want to talk about it….so we watch it often in a multitude of different ways, yet we are uanble to have healthy positive conversations….Sex is still very much a taboo and or sensitive subject for many…..Why is that? yet, sex is the most natural thing that is out there…something that touches each and every couple relationship…though you don’t have to be in a relationship to bask in your sexual power. This week, I shared with a male acquaintance that I was going to a sexuality conference in Miami…now this is a conference hosted by the American Association of Sexuality for Counselors, Educators and Therepist (AASECT) ….the first reaction was  slight discomfort , followed by a laugh..then a comment…well I am guy you know…so you know where my thoughts went to!  I was initiall stunned but in the end not really surprised…he is a ‘ product’of our cultural environment…..The sassy girl within me says to myself….ARE YOU FOR REAL? ARE WE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL?..Many times, it still feels that way for me! The thing is that this conference is not a sex show nor a  sex club. It’s a vehicle for educating, for conversations for those working in the field of sexuality. What a different conversation we could have had, had he simply asked what kinds of topics are being covered at the show? what inspired you to go? etc…..Nope….it was an awkward filled moment….Sadly, we still have a long way to go to change the messages out there! When I mentioned it to my girlfriends, they are excited for me and wish they had the time available to be in Miami…They are interested in the various topics…yes , we have some fun with the topics…but we are also willing to explore and learn. Sex or women for that matter are not meant to be conquered…..Men and women do view our sexual experiences differently…It’s time to start having more open healthy conversations about positive sexuality! The sexualization of women in the media  is not helpful whatsover to creating positive and healthy conversations about sex!

 

 

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Diane Merpaw
Canada’s Goddess Coach